Less Than Four Months Left

Life is back to normal. Well back to normal for here at least. The heat is unbearably unbearable, time has seemed to stop in place, and I spend long swaths of the day with my eyes glued to a book that I would have never picked up in the states. The novelty of my return has been short and most people just simply ask where I've been. My water tank is nearly dry, the energy in my car battery used to charge things almost empty, and cell service gone for the last 5 days. But, and this is a big but, I have my health. It has been months since I have been sick with any worms or parasites. That is, to my knowledge at least. There is the off chance that I do have something and my body has finally built up some type of normal immunity or at least learned that these things aren't going away anytime soon so they might as well get snug. In fact its been since we were locked in site for that greater part of the month when I had 3 days shitting my pants and clutching my stomach in pain due to something that no will ever be able to tell since I've been sick. 

On return from the states I bought soccer cleats. There were two reasons for this. One being that I need something to do for an hour a day, and two being that as soon as I got back from the states everyone I ran into commented that I had gained a bunch of weight. That probably isn't a bad thing and ever since I've gone totally vegetarian I've noticed my stomach get a little out there, but it is all a reminder that I haven't been getting much exercise. Lets just say that my first practice almost sent me to the hospital. I limped off the field with my muscles barely hanging on to my flesh from fatigue. Its taken me 4 days to recoup and today is more practice. 

I'm stuck in a weird zone now where I don't have much time left here but I do. Peace Corps tells us to start winding everything down and still have more than 3 months left. At the same time everyone is talking about my going away party and how they want to claim certain things in my house when I leave. I'm having a raffle for everything which seems to be the fairest thing to do. All this talk though gets me excited for a second until I realize that I have more than 100 days left here and that most of that will be spent waiting. I do have a great deal of work planned such as my 8 day workshop that I hope to start next week which will coincide with us getting some new computers. And there is a whole new tourism project with another group that I'm trying to help out with now which involves a lot of logistics and making promotional materials. There is also my student which I help every day and whom is doing an outstanding job. 

If I have started to reflect upon my time here I have only been thinking of one thing really and that is the fact that helping others (including other living things including animals such as baby hummingbirds) really does make one feel better. It could be argued that it is an selfish thing itself. Seeing how I've helped these people even in the smallest amount has really kept me going this whole time and without I'de have been a wreck. I do realize that most volunteers spin their wheels for a long in service and I have had my fair share of that too, but with the great successes I've had I feel good. Even the small things like being able to have a full conversation with my English student puts a smile on my heart. You can't see it. But its there. 

Back To The Jungle

This is the first blog post on my new MacBook Air. That's right, after a lifetime of PCs, and I mean we had the first home PC available in my house, I have switched over to the competitor. The last time I used a mac was during my lunch breaks as a kid in the computer lab. That's right, I spent my lunch breaks in the computer lab and not because I was a computer whiz but because I was just a dork and had no friends in 8th grade. But enough of my heartbreaking childhood lets talk about what the crap I've been doing for the last month. 

For the 4 people that read this you probably already know that I went to the states to see friends and family for awhile. I went to beautiful Tahoe, CA for over two weeks and traded hot and humid for snowy and cold. It wasn't cold the entire time and the place is more magical than I ever imagined or remember which was mostly due to the fact that I had a great guide and we has some amazing weather halfway through my trip. By great guide I'm talking about Michelle who you could say was my anchor the entire time in Tahoe. We are not technically "dating" but I think both our hopes are that we will be once my time here is done. In this trip I was also able to see my parents, brothers, sister, and friends. It was a blast and also shock to my system of sorts. I knew that going back to the states for that long so close to my time ending here would be highly un advisable but I wanted to do it anyways. When I'm done here I have my sights set on South America and not seeing my friends or family for more than a year was going to be hard. It was hard coming back though and when the plane landed back in Panama I tried to rally myself and get myself ready for another 4 months. 

As most know it has not been an easy ride in these last 2 years here and lately there has been a lot of excess time in site that has started to bring me down. Even coming back I've tried to get myself ready to keep myself busy but it has been hard. The heat kills me and it seems that sometimes time itself has stopped. What does keep me going is seeing the smiles on peoples faces here and knowing that they care about me. The work that I have planned for my last three months will be the most important in making sure that Oreba Chocolate stays sustainable and growing and that is important. I'm also excited to start working with Jon who wants to do his waterfall tour. 

Flying from the States back to here really put things into perspective. Again. It took twice as long to get from L.A. to Miami than it did from Miami to Panama City and getting off the plane the difference isn't quite so noticeable. Even taking a non air conditioned taxi in the blaring heat through unmarked crowded streets could have been reminiscent of L.A. It really didn't hit me until I made it about an hour out of the city and saw the shanty houses and trash that I had been so accustomed too in the past. The terrible lines for buses that no one seems to mind. The lack of healthy food options. And just the sense that no one cares about the people that have nothing in this country. All over again it made me mad that in a country where so many rich people live and where the government has spent billions on infrastructure this year that the education system that is ranked one of the worst in the world only seems to get worse with no bottom in site. It makes you think. Does a government run by rich people even want the poor classes to have the education needed to become part of the power in this country. What would happen if an indigenous person were to "make it" and run for office where you have a country that is overwhelmingly indigenous? 

I digress. I love the people here and there are many who want to see the country do better including many gringos. The government is right to re-invest the earnings from the canal into subways and rail lines and advertising for tourism. They want this to be the new Costa Rica. Or I thought they did until reading that Panama will loose the the "World Heritage Site" distinction for Cioba along with millions of dollars because the government hasn't put any money into protecting it and they refuse to respond to the UN about what is going on there. Get your damn head out of your ass Panama. You are so close to making this place a great place to live for the people and animals that are already here!

I digress again. I'm happy to be back. Here are some random updates on stuff:

- Lady next door had her 11th child of which is another girl. That makes 8 girls in a row and there is no dad in the house. There is only one boy in the house who is 18 years old and he is pretty much keeping the family together. What is amazing is that the girls never complain and are always smiling. They are one small problem away from disaster though and that worries me. 

- I bought soccer cleats yesterday so I can start practicing soccer everyday as my tummy has seemed to balloon after having the chance to eat what ever I like in the states. Will be having a six pack in no time. 

- Trying to bring back 60 pounds of computers from the states is a bad idea. Especially when the wheel breaks on the luggage and I have to carry that and my regular luggage on my back for a mile!

- Starting to nail down what I want to do when I'm done here and it has everything to do with chocolate. :) 

 4 more months. Here we go...