I'm watching T.V. With my host mom. Well she is weaving a new purse to sell at the market and I'm writing this but the TV is on. It always seems to be on here. And when I say here I mean all of Panama. All day long. Everyone. I'm not sure why but it seems that Panamanians like their TV more than Americans. Back to the purse. She makes these purses out of a type of waterproof yarn and has a template for each one. It takes her about a week to make them and she sells them for about 25 bucks at the market in the big city. They are all of parrots and I can only help but think “what if she starting making purses with different designs on them”? Could she get more for them? What if she put TV's on the purses with one of their Soap Operas as the picture? I bet she could get 30 bucks for that. Maybe even more.
It seems that my Spanish is getting worse but I'm pretty sure that is because I'm learning more about what I don't know. I like to be kept in the dark about things as much as possible so this is kinda conflicting for me. I do find myself wanting to learn Spanish more than ever. Especially when I talk to other volunteers about their projects. We have “class” almost everyday. All day. And they are actually really informative and interesting. I have a hard time looking at one thing for more than 2 minutes so to get my attention in one spot for that long is a challenge.
Big News
Next week we are visiting a site where a volunteer is working and it is supposed to represent where they think we would be best. Mine is in Bocas Del Toro and is in a little town almost on the boarder with Costa Rica. For those who know me well you find this funny because this is literally one of the 3 places I have spent any time in in Panama when I came 4 years ago. I'm keeping an open mind and eager to help any community that needs my help even if I've already been there. I am hoping to get placed in the Darien Gap with one of the indigenous tribes. I have made that clear to the people in charge of placement so hopefully they are able to work that out. BTW. Panama is about the size of North Carolina and it will take us two days to get there. Tells you how the terrain is.
Today was a big day of firsts so I'm just going to list them:
Bought my first Machete and I'm about to file that sucka to a sharp ass edge. We have a class tomorrow morning to teach us how to use them. I'm guessing its going to involve swinging them towards things we want to be cut off.
Got my first yellow fever shot. Hurts like hell still and every movement towards the sky with my left arm isn't fun. I like to complain about it as usual.
Saw my first Bot Fly today. Well it was a video that some other volunteers here made of them taking a couple out of their backs. We have been assured that we will all get them sooner or later. If you don't know what a bot fly is look it up. Not Cool!
Had internet and air conditioning for the first time in a week. Funny how you miss the little things.
Tried Palm Seed which tasted like really dry Artichoke hearts. Not terrible. Also tried a type of Blood Sausage that they have here. That was a little rough. Large blackened casing with the dried remains of blood and fat stuffed in the middle. It wasn't terrible but my stomach didn't like it too much. I had dinner when I got home instead of eating the entire thing.
Health report:
My toe hurts more today than it did yesterday. For sure broken. If it not better in a couple weeks I will have to cast it up probably. I really don't want to do that. It is overall getting better but I really want to teach dancing lessons in my community so I need it to get better as fast as possible.
I have allergy medicine now and I like to think its getting better but maybe not. I might need a combination of a bunch of them. My eyes are swollen and I can't breathe out of my nose.
As for my mental health. I'm doing pretty good. I partied and had a lot of fun right before I left the states and I could be really sad that I'm not doing those things now, but I'm not. That said, there are some people that I really miss and you know who you are and I hope you come visit me soon. I feel like I have a purpose right now and that is to invoke change in a community of people that have nothing. I'm going to change someones life for the better hopefully and it feels good. I really want to leave all things American behind and embrace my new mission in life but I'm finding it hard. Especially when I get e-mails from people I haven't talked to in a long time. I'm not saying not to e-mail me. I'm just saying that I miss you guys. I will have a phone soon hopefully. They have coverage in many places including where I'm at now even though its in the jungle and I will need it for emergencies.
It feels like I've been here for a month even though its only been over a week. I've heard it will go faster. I hope at least the training flys by. I want to be in my community already.
Til next time....
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Personality Tests
In all likelihood my toe is broken. It has been almost a week and it still hurts pretty bad. I've managed to stay off it today for most of the day so it does feel a little better and if by the end of the week I don't see significant improvement I will go to the nurse. I already need to call her tomorrow to allergy medicine which I desperately need. The last couple days have been terrible for my allergies. In the mornings I can hardly see my eyes are so swollen and I'm falling asleep constantly. I'm sleeping about 8-9 hours a night with a ½ hour siesta during the day. Hoping that Lourdes (the nurse) can send over some good stuff to get my head clear because there is a lot of information flying my way.
Today was very interesting. We finally got our first technical session and learned a little about what we will be trying to do in our communities. We are pretty much starting to learn the basic structures of the subsistence business models and how they fit into our communities. The whole thing boils down to observing what our communities need and then facilitating sessions that help them reach those goals and then writing business plans and finding funding. The best part of the day was definitely talking to the Economic Director to Panama from the U.S. Embassy. That guy rocks. I think his name was Bill.
Bill pretty much told us the short history of the Panama Canal and how the U.S. Effed Panama around for so long and then left. We also learned a great deal about Panama U.S. Relations and how it fits into what we are all doing. Turns out Panama has a shit load of money right now from the Canal and is looking to improve everything. At least they say they want to improve everything. Panama has one of the best economies in this Hemisphere and has one of the biggest skylines for the amount of people that live in the city. It also has one of the greatest disparities between the rich and the poor. The government wants to focus on value added goods, infrastructure, and tourism. They have also pledged to work on education which is desperately needed here.
In our tech session we also got to take one of those personality tests that tells us what kind of person we are. Once we took the test we all formed into groups depending upon what we answered. I ended up alone. We were then handed a sheet of paper that explained our exact personality type of which we were to write out the general ideas of the personalities of our group. Again, I was alone. We then presented these to the entire group. Other groups had personalities such as extrovert that likes to be the leader or names like Sheriff of the Land. Mine, which I did by myself, was The Healer. You would think was a good thing to be. Not-so-much. Apparently a Healer only does so because he/she has had bad experiences and wants to make the world a better place because of it. Whats more, and what I had to write on the sheet of construction paper for everyone to see, is that the Healer is profane, deeply conflicted between bad and good, pessimistic, and constantly struggles with the devil inside them. So I'm pretty sure everyone thinks I'm going to enslave my community and try to start a socialist regime. Apparently Joan of Arc was a Healer so I got that going for me. It was pretty funny for the class and I played it off like I didn't know why it said that, but I know it was dead on. Those things don't lie and most of it was true.
I remember once when I was young, my step father asked me why I cared so much about other people and that I should spend more time caring about myself instead. I guess you can say that it was because he didn't care about me at all and pretty much only cared about himself. Maybe I saw the way he was and thought “I really don't want to a person that everyone hates”. So maybe I'm making up for all the bad people in this world. So what. And ya, I have daemons inside. We all do. Mine just tell me that the world is mostly a bad place. I want to help change that for the better and is pretty much the reason why I'm in the Peace Corps. I haven't lost all hope for humanity just yet. Just most Americans.
Notes: Its raining so hard right now that I could yell as loud as I can and no one would here me.
I finally got mosquito bites. A lot.
I keep getting ham and melted cheese sandwiches for dinner and they are amazing.
Yesterday I had ice cream for desert with a strawberry milkshake
The biggest ant I have ever seen tried to climb in bed with me while I was laying here
I finally took a shower because the water came on for a little bit.
I still hate cold showers. They suck no matter how hot it is.
I slept with the fan off last night and my host mother thought I was crazy for doing it.
My host Sister who is 33 and looks like she is 40 and about 80lbs over weight has to take the bus for 4 hours total just to go to her crappy $2 an hour job as a travel agent.
I'm not tired, but if I stay awake any longer and keep watching random large insects come in through the window to escape the rain I'm never going to fall asleep.
On another note, I just watched a fairly large spider crawl into my bag so I have that to look forward to tomorrow.
Sweet.....
Today was very interesting. We finally got our first technical session and learned a little about what we will be trying to do in our communities. We are pretty much starting to learn the basic structures of the subsistence business models and how they fit into our communities. The whole thing boils down to observing what our communities need and then facilitating sessions that help them reach those goals and then writing business plans and finding funding. The best part of the day was definitely talking to the Economic Director to Panama from the U.S. Embassy. That guy rocks. I think his name was Bill.
Bill pretty much told us the short history of the Panama Canal and how the U.S. Effed Panama around for so long and then left. We also learned a great deal about Panama U.S. Relations and how it fits into what we are all doing. Turns out Panama has a shit load of money right now from the Canal and is looking to improve everything. At least they say they want to improve everything. Panama has one of the best economies in this Hemisphere and has one of the biggest skylines for the amount of people that live in the city. It also has one of the greatest disparities between the rich and the poor. The government wants to focus on value added goods, infrastructure, and tourism. They have also pledged to work on education which is desperately needed here.
In our tech session we also got to take one of those personality tests that tells us what kind of person we are. Once we took the test we all formed into groups depending upon what we answered. I ended up alone. We were then handed a sheet of paper that explained our exact personality type of which we were to write out the general ideas of the personalities of our group. Again, I was alone. We then presented these to the entire group. Other groups had personalities such as extrovert that likes to be the leader or names like Sheriff of the Land. Mine, which I did by myself, was The Healer. You would think was a good thing to be. Not-so-much. Apparently a Healer only does so because he/she has had bad experiences and wants to make the world a better place because of it. Whats more, and what I had to write on the sheet of construction paper for everyone to see, is that the Healer is profane, deeply conflicted between bad and good, pessimistic, and constantly struggles with the devil inside them. So I'm pretty sure everyone thinks I'm going to enslave my community and try to start a socialist regime. Apparently Joan of Arc was a Healer so I got that going for me. It was pretty funny for the class and I played it off like I didn't know why it said that, but I know it was dead on. Those things don't lie and most of it was true.
I remember once when I was young, my step father asked me why I cared so much about other people and that I should spend more time caring about myself instead. I guess you can say that it was because he didn't care about me at all and pretty much only cared about himself. Maybe I saw the way he was and thought “I really don't want to a person that everyone hates”. So maybe I'm making up for all the bad people in this world. So what. And ya, I have daemons inside. We all do. Mine just tell me that the world is mostly a bad place. I want to help change that for the better and is pretty much the reason why I'm in the Peace Corps. I haven't lost all hope for humanity just yet. Just most Americans.
Notes: Its raining so hard right now that I could yell as loud as I can and no one would here me.
I finally got mosquito bites. A lot.
I keep getting ham and melted cheese sandwiches for dinner and they are amazing.
Yesterday I had ice cream for desert with a strawberry milkshake
The biggest ant I have ever seen tried to climb in bed with me while I was laying here
I finally took a shower because the water came on for a little bit.
I still hate cold showers. They suck no matter how hot it is.
I slept with the fan off last night and my host mother thought I was crazy for doing it.
My host Sister who is 33 and looks like she is 40 and about 80lbs over weight has to take the bus for 4 hours total just to go to her crappy $2 an hour job as a travel agent.
I'm not tired, but if I stay awake any longer and keep watching random large insects come in through the window to escape the rain I'm never going to fall asleep.
On another note, I just watched a fairly large spider crawl into my bag so I have that to look forward to tomorrow.
Sweet.....
My new Home
My ears are ringing. A lot. Yet I can still here the discotec blaring raggeaton about a half mile down the street. I was told that the party will be going til 4am and I can't wait to see the debris laying in the street on my way to Spanish class 3 hours later.
As I walk one of the other volunteers back from our brief visit to the eardrum shattering fiesta, the rain starts its nightly trickle and the lightening in the distance lets me know that a storm is coming soon. Although new and exciting to me, the locals are not as enthusiastic about it. They have always had the rain here and even in the hottest months don't mind if it never comes back. This seems weird to me. The rain could be charged with being the sole reason this place is inhabitable. The lush green forests harboring pinas, plantains, coconuts, and a weird small fruit they call mangorin that taste like an unripened pear with a bitter aftertaste amongst others. I can get used to the rain. Even if it washes all the trash, excrement, and mud down the hill into the small channel of water next to my new house making navigating the small trail home almost impossible without slipping.
My new home is small. There are 4 of us in 3 three rooms and I can't help but think that Abel, the 9 year old would have his own room if not for me. There is no father in the house and I'm afraid to ask why. There are no doors. Only sheets where doors looked like they should have gone. This goes for the bathroom and shower as well and I'm almost positive my body has been withholding using the bathroom for any period of time as the only thing between me and complete embarrassment is a sheet flapping in the breeze. There is a small kitchen directly adjacent to my room and just outside that is where Dona Martha does the houses laundry. Besides the sewing machine, these two places is where you will find her most times. She is old, but charismatic and charming. This is her 11th “esperante” which roughly translates to aspiring Peace Corps Volunteer. This isn't her first rodeo.
The family is welcoming and polite. Giving me all the space I need to learn. And boy do I need to learn. My Spanish flat out sucks. Even though the family and others tell me its great. I feel lost most of the time just nodding my head yes. Abel is great because he has been studying english in school for the last couple years and can translate every once in awhile. He also loves to show me things around the area and will gladly accept a coke at the local convenient store if offered. I had been waiting a long time to enjoy a real soft drink and today was perfect for it. It was hot as all hell and after walking on a still bruised and possibly broken big toe, an ice cold, cane sugared, thick bottled, 257ml of Coca Cola Classic felt like heaven in a bottle. I never drink soda in the states but for some reason it just feels right here.
We have two dogs of which two have tried to bite me. Dona Martha tried to warn me but I thought I could charm those perros with my American smoothness. Apparently I have watched to much of the dog whisperer because those little bastards tried to kill me. That aside the family and house is great. Having no running water is probably a good thing considering I will most likely not have a bathroom when I go to my site in 3 months. This will take a little getting used to as I absolutely love my hot showers. I hope my host mother didn't hear my yelping as I poured cold buckets of water on myself when I got back. I wouldn't want my host family to think I'm one of those weak Americans.
There are so many new and great smells to this country and the experiences are piling up already. Tomorrow is our fist day of language class and eager to learn more. I realize now that great Spanish knowledge will be the key to creating change in my community. They must be able to understand me to respect my opinions and decisions if I want to enact any type of change in the community. Its been awhile since I used any Spanish and my brain hurts from trying to think of which words mean what. It's more exhausting than you think. I'm now off to watch Ice Age 2 in Spanish with Abel. Chow for now...
As I walk one of the other volunteers back from our brief visit to the eardrum shattering fiesta, the rain starts its nightly trickle and the lightening in the distance lets me know that a storm is coming soon. Although new and exciting to me, the locals are not as enthusiastic about it. They have always had the rain here and even in the hottest months don't mind if it never comes back. This seems weird to me. The rain could be charged with being the sole reason this place is inhabitable. The lush green forests harboring pinas, plantains, coconuts, and a weird small fruit they call mangorin that taste like an unripened pear with a bitter aftertaste amongst others. I can get used to the rain. Even if it washes all the trash, excrement, and mud down the hill into the small channel of water next to my new house making navigating the small trail home almost impossible without slipping.
My new home is small. There are 4 of us in 3 three rooms and I can't help but think that Abel, the 9 year old would have his own room if not for me. There is no father in the house and I'm afraid to ask why. There are no doors. Only sheets where doors looked like they should have gone. This goes for the bathroom and shower as well and I'm almost positive my body has been withholding using the bathroom for any period of time as the only thing between me and complete embarrassment is a sheet flapping in the breeze. There is a small kitchen directly adjacent to my room and just outside that is where Dona Martha does the houses laundry. Besides the sewing machine, these two places is where you will find her most times. She is old, but charismatic and charming. This is her 11th “esperante” which roughly translates to aspiring Peace Corps Volunteer. This isn't her first rodeo.
The family is welcoming and polite. Giving me all the space I need to learn. And boy do I need to learn. My Spanish flat out sucks. Even though the family and others tell me its great. I feel lost most of the time just nodding my head yes. Abel is great because he has been studying english in school for the last couple years and can translate every once in awhile. He also loves to show me things around the area and will gladly accept a coke at the local convenient store if offered. I had been waiting a long time to enjoy a real soft drink and today was perfect for it. It was hot as all hell and after walking on a still bruised and possibly broken big toe, an ice cold, cane sugared, thick bottled, 257ml of Coca Cola Classic felt like heaven in a bottle. I never drink soda in the states but for some reason it just feels right here.
We have two dogs of which two have tried to bite me. Dona Martha tried to warn me but I thought I could charm those perros with my American smoothness. Apparently I have watched to much of the dog whisperer because those little bastards tried to kill me. That aside the family and house is great. Having no running water is probably a good thing considering I will most likely not have a bathroom when I go to my site in 3 months. This will take a little getting used to as I absolutely love my hot showers. I hope my host mother didn't hear my yelping as I poured cold buckets of water on myself when I got back. I wouldn't want my host family to think I'm one of those weak Americans.
There are so many new and great smells to this country and the experiences are piling up already. Tomorrow is our fist day of language class and eager to learn more. I realize now that great Spanish knowledge will be the key to creating change in my community. They must be able to understand me to respect my opinions and decisions if I want to enact any type of change in the community. Its been awhile since I used any Spanish and my brain hurts from trying to think of which words mean what. It's more exhausting than you think. I'm now off to watch Ice Age 2 in Spanish with Abel. Chow for now...
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Coffee
I had the best coffee of my life today and it was served out of a bucket with a ladle. This was the kind of coffee one imagines that the first settlers tried when coming to this region and fell in love with. Black as oil yet thin and consistent. The taste of the fire it was prepared over in every sip. The not so subtle, yet not over powering taste of roasted beans and FRESH Squeezed Beat Cane Juice. Heaven. There is no way in the modern world one could ever reproduce this. And believe me, I've been to my fare share of fair trade, sustainable, organic type coffee shops. Not even close.
Maybe it is the fact that I had Starbucks four days ago and almost anything is better than that mass produced high fructose corn syrup crap. Or maybe I just love coffee. And this was good coffee. But how could this coffee not be good. When sugar beat and coffee bean plants are growing all around you things become much more simpler. I'm sure I could find a way to screw it up so I leave it up to the people that have been doing it since before the white man could enjoy it. And for that I'm glad. Coffee will never be the same. Starbucks take note.
Maybe it is the fact that I had Starbucks four days ago and almost anything is better than that mass produced high fructose corn syrup crap. Or maybe I just love coffee. And this was good coffee. But how could this coffee not be good. When sugar beat and coffee bean plants are growing all around you things become much more simpler. I'm sure I could find a way to screw it up so I leave it up to the people that have been doing it since before the white man could enjoy it. And for that I'm glad. Coffee will never be the same. Starbucks take note.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Classrooms and Hurt Feet
My foot hurts. That's what I get for going balls to the wall in a semi-competitive game of soccer or (futbal). I shouldn't ht ave tried to kick that ball. Man I suck at soccer. On another note my brain hurts too.
Feeble. That one word could explain me but I'm starting to think that I at least have balls. I was first to go for placement interviews today and I have to say that I killed it. Well I at least showed them that I have balls. They are probably reading this as they said they would so I'm going to be contrite in my recount. It wasn't really that big of a deal. I just told them to send my ass to the furthest, most remote area possible and that I want to build my own hut. Side note; met a current volunteer that actually built his own hut! And he is in the same program as me! Please god let me be able to make my own hut.
The guys in my cabina are pretty cool and we will be her til next Tuesday so that's a plus. Especially since homesickness could be running rampant at any time. The Jersey guy is hilarious and I keep asking him if he wants to do Jager-Bombs. I don't think he likes it too much. He's actually an alright guy and was born in Columbia so I'm asking all kinds of spanish questions and I'm finding out that my spanish sucks.
Classes are starting to get a little bit brutal. Its just a crap ton of information and I just don't have the patience. We leave for a field trip tomorrow so that should hold my attention a little. We have to wake up in 5 hours and I'm dead tired so that's why I'm being a little short. Hopefully I will be able to elaborate more in future posts.
We were handed large binders with tons of information. Everything we need to know about what the Peace Corps does and every other resource I would ever need is in those documents. Side note: Pandora doesn't work down here. Weird huh? We are all thinking because its of the licensing. Anyways. There is a ton of information flying our ways and the teachers seem to be great and organized so that helps. Only problem is that I have trouble with this style of learning. I need hands on. Spanish class was a little better because there is only like 5 people in my class and we just try to talk as much as possible. We are still at the army base right now though so I don't know how it is going to be when we move in with our host families next week. I do know that we need to learn everything there is to know about what and how to accomplish our goals once we are at our location. We also need to learn enough Spanish to be able to do it.
Some interesting notes:
There is a republican girl here from Georgia that voted for Mccain! WTF.
Went walking at night and a crazy large Rodent jumped out of the trashcan. Was seriously like 40 lbs.
Got a yellow fever shot today and so far I've been the first for everything because of my first and last name.
It is illegal to walk around in public with your shirt off in Panama.
There are only 5 DEA agents here and they capture more Cocaine than all of the DEA agents in the USA combined.
I'm tired and need to sleep.
Feeble. That one word could explain me but I'm starting to think that I at least have balls. I was first to go for placement interviews today and I have to say that I killed it. Well I at least showed them that I have balls. They are probably reading this as they said they would so I'm going to be contrite in my recount. It wasn't really that big of a deal. I just told them to send my ass to the furthest, most remote area possible and that I want to build my own hut. Side note; met a current volunteer that actually built his own hut! And he is in the same program as me! Please god let me be able to make my own hut.
The guys in my cabina are pretty cool and we will be her til next Tuesday so that's a plus. Especially since homesickness could be running rampant at any time. The Jersey guy is hilarious and I keep asking him if he wants to do Jager-Bombs. I don't think he likes it too much. He's actually an alright guy and was born in Columbia so I'm asking all kinds of spanish questions and I'm finding out that my spanish sucks.
Classes are starting to get a little bit brutal. Its just a crap ton of information and I just don't have the patience. We leave for a field trip tomorrow so that should hold my attention a little. We have to wake up in 5 hours and I'm dead tired so that's why I'm being a little short. Hopefully I will be able to elaborate more in future posts.
We were handed large binders with tons of information. Everything we need to know about what the Peace Corps does and every other resource I would ever need is in those documents. Side note: Pandora doesn't work down here. Weird huh? We are all thinking because its of the licensing. Anyways. There is a ton of information flying our ways and the teachers seem to be great and organized so that helps. Only problem is that I have trouble with this style of learning. I need hands on. Spanish class was a little better because there is only like 5 people in my class and we just try to talk as much as possible. We are still at the army base right now though so I don't know how it is going to be when we move in with our host families next week. I do know that we need to learn everything there is to know about what and how to accomplish our goals once we are at our location. We also need to learn enough Spanish to be able to do it.
Some interesting notes:
There is a republican girl here from Georgia that voted for Mccain! WTF.
Went walking at night and a crazy large Rodent jumped out of the trashcan. Was seriously like 40 lbs.
Got a yellow fever shot today and so far I've been the first for everything because of my first and last name.
It is illegal to walk around in public with your shirt off in Panama.
There are only 5 DEA agents here and they capture more Cocaine than all of the DEA agents in the USA combined.
I'm tired and need to sleep.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Airports and Clipboards
I'm Sitting in the standard wanna-be “old style” pub at the Reagan Airport and one of the waitresses looks vaguely familiar. I can't really think why and the lack of sleep, abundance of nerves, combined with the sweet taste of my semi-cold Smidwicks isn't helping my cause. I'm glancing at the name-tag to see if it offers a clue to my newly found game of chance.
Sara.
That doesn't help one bit. She has got one of those faces. One that you never forget but can't remember. Not great looking, but ragged and worn. Although young, the white trash qualities scream out “used”. The Guns and Roses blaring doesn't help her cause. Dirty Blonde, white, pearl necklace she might have gotten from a not-so-there mother or abusive boyfriend, short in stature but full of false confidence as if there is a secret she keeps so deep inside, one mention of it would break her and that dark plastered mascara would come streaking down her face. She looks like she strips at night. I can't imagine the daytime bar shift at the airport frat bar pays great, and from the looks of her looks she might be ready for a quick change into nothing.
This will most likely the last time I see or talk to a girl of this type for 27 months and I have mixed feelings. America. The land of the free. Free to be a stripper or a bellman or a trash collector, or whatever job you have decided to chain yourself to for the purpose of survival. One of the reasons I've decided to move on. This land. Home of baseball, hotdogs, and big cars has outgrown me. I've been saying this for years, but fruition is finally mine this day and its a defining moment. I didn't go to college for 8 years to get a 4 year degree for nothing right? I've done my time. I want my reward.
Not so fast.
I've got 3 months of training ahead of me and its not the easy kind. Language, cultural, and job specific training. Re-evaluating Sara, I've come to the conclusion that her boyfriend most likely is the type that drinks 3 protein shakes a day and doesn't hold the door for her. Back to my Peace Corps experience thus far. I think the most interesting part so far is watching the natural leaders emerge in the our group. There are about 49 of us and about 5 stand out as natural leaders. One of these, my hotel roommate and fellow Californian might be the most organized and carefully planned person I have met. I hate to stereotype (not really), but he is Asian and wears a the type of calculator watch I haven't seen since the 80's. He is about one fixed gear road bike and one skin tight pair of jeans away from the land of the Hipsters.
Then there is Phil. The man from Santa Cruz whom quit his job with google and sold his apartment to join the Peace Corps. I was able to get in touch with Phil months before meeting anyone else and he seemed genuine and charismatic. He is 49 and is an avid bike rider and outdoor enthusiast. A natural born leader and if you had told me he was the Peace Corps Director I would have believed you. Running around with his clipboard and barking orders to the entire group seems natural to him. Side note; eye contact with Sara is not advised. Not only are those big round blue eyes hard to look at due to the caked makeup surrounding them, I feel that they know what I know somehow. It's always that way. The jaded recognize jaded. Am I the male equivalent? Lets hope not. Lets hope my small green eyes hide what's behind them well. And I don't strip. Back to Phil. After orientation at which a lisp wielding former Peace Corps Volunteer facilitated with poise of someone that has made this type of thing his routine, a large group of us formed and headed over to a local Italian restaurant. Phil bought me a beer and him, John (my roommate), and I talked about our past relationships over dinner. This is when Phil told us he was gay and proud of it.
I tried not to flinch as I continued the conversation, hoping to go into a different direction. John made so little movement that for a second I thought I was sitting at the all faygala table. Sans me of course. I feel that its hard to get any emotion out of John anyways. There is the occasional laugh at slapstick humor, but he seems to keep a straight face. I'm not sure what to think about Phil and I'm worried that all his aspirations of the Peace Corps in Panama are going to be stonewalled by his “I'm gay and I'm proud of it” attitude.
Sara seems bored and I'm pretty sure her and I are on the same level. I've got two hours before the flight leaves for Panama and this bar is not going to keep my ADD in check. I should probably be socializing with other volunteers anyways right? Seems to be the right thing to do and I get stuck in a boring conversation, people watching is always the best in airports.
I'm impressed they have El Tesoro Tequila at this bar and Sara has started to ignore me a little too much for my liking. I'm getting the bill. I need attention...
Monday, August 16, 2010
Minus Day One
I'm sitting at the Holiday in Lobby with a Corona in my hand and I just realized that tomorrow is my first official day as a Peace Corps volunteer. I can't help but think "how the hell did I get here"? Well that is a long complicated answer that would be great to tell at bed time, so instead I offer the simple reasons: I can't stay in one spot for more than a couple months, I love to travel, I love to help people less fortunate than most, and most of all, I needed a change.
7 months ago I was trapped in a relationship I personally firebombed and it was eating my soul. I had applied for the Peace Corps 2 years prior and failed the medical evaluation due to a faulty heart and was ready for a second chance. The Peace Corps sure as hell sounded better than living another year with someone that pretty much hated everything I did. So I applied again and we decided to go our separate ways. To tell you the truth, I never thought I would actually see this day come. I went through so much to get to this point that I really didn't think I was actually going until I was on the plane. I was fully prepared to get to the check in desk here and hear nothing but the sour taste of betrayal from the reservation desk. This would have been the point at which I would have painted myself red white and blue and ran into the street naked. I'm in Virginia anyways, got to do something worth while here.
So here I am. I got about no hours of sleep last night, took a 7 hour plane ride across the country and I start orientation tomorrow to be an Economic Development Consultant in the Peace Corps in Panama. A journey that will take a total of 27 months granted I don't ef up in the first 3 months and get sent home. I've literally spent the last 3 years of my life to get to this point and its so surreal that still can't believe it is happening. The crazy thing is that I could not have seen this go any other way. Up until a week ago I wasn't absolutely positive I was ready to leave the states yet and today I'm fully prepared to bail. I really needed that 7 months to get all the last craziness out of me I had been harboring for so long. It took a lot of late nights, night swims, and hanging out with new and old friends to make it happen.
I hope to keep this journal updated as much as possible with the thoughts, accounts, and experiences I will be gaining during this epic journey. This journal will serve as a way for others close to me and maybe some that are not, to follow what I'm "up to", but the greatest beneficiary will most likely be me. I would love to look back two years from now and recount how it all began. That is to say I don't fall into a jaguar trap, get struck by a pit viper, or infested with Bot flys.
Til my next post....
7 months ago I was trapped in a relationship I personally firebombed and it was eating my soul. I had applied for the Peace Corps 2 years prior and failed the medical evaluation due to a faulty heart and was ready for a second chance. The Peace Corps sure as hell sounded better than living another year with someone that pretty much hated everything I did. So I applied again and we decided to go our separate ways. To tell you the truth, I never thought I would actually see this day come. I went through so much to get to this point that I really didn't think I was actually going until I was on the plane. I was fully prepared to get to the check in desk here and hear nothing but the sour taste of betrayal from the reservation desk. This would have been the point at which I would have painted myself red white and blue and ran into the street naked. I'm in Virginia anyways, got to do something worth while here.
So here I am. I got about no hours of sleep last night, took a 7 hour plane ride across the country and I start orientation tomorrow to be an Economic Development Consultant in the Peace Corps in Panama. A journey that will take a total of 27 months granted I don't ef up in the first 3 months and get sent home. I've literally spent the last 3 years of my life to get to this point and its so surreal that still can't believe it is happening. The crazy thing is that I could not have seen this go any other way. Up until a week ago I wasn't absolutely positive I was ready to leave the states yet and today I'm fully prepared to bail. I really needed that 7 months to get all the last craziness out of me I had been harboring for so long. It took a lot of late nights, night swims, and hanging out with new and old friends to make it happen.
I hope to keep this journal updated as much as possible with the thoughts, accounts, and experiences I will be gaining during this epic journey. This journal will serve as a way for others close to me and maybe some that are not, to follow what I'm "up to", but the greatest beneficiary will most likely be me. I would love to look back two years from now and recount how it all began. That is to say I don't fall into a jaguar trap, get struck by a pit viper, or infested with Bot flys.
Til my next post....
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