Tranquilo, Its Just Mold and Rain

I walked in at about ten to my host family's house and pushed the door open making the sock that holds it open fall to the ground. As reached down to pick of the sock and lock the door behind me I noticed that there were two bodies laying on each “couch” passed out. Abel, my host brother out cold curled up in a ball on the larger couch and Marta, my host mom, sleeping on the small floral colored couch barely able to curl up tight enough to fit. As I closed the door softly she awoke with a concerned look on her face and surveyed the room for the cause of the noise.
“lo siento” I said in a low tone as to not wake Abel.
“no no, tranquilo” she replied as to imply that it was her fault for acting so startled when I awoke her.

That's how it is here. Everything is “tranquilo”. I want to come home late? Tranquilo. My buddy Kyle wants to have dinner and ice cream here unannounced? Tranquilo. I Forget to ask my host mom to the major event that we are hosting tomorrow and she reminds me because everyone else is going and she didn't get invited? Tranquilo. Everything is will be alright. I like that attitude and I'm adopting it. Not that I haven't used it from time to time, I would just like to incorporate it more into my daily routine. “Just relax”. Saying that in the states can get you punched but here it literally means “lets settle down and have a little coffee or maybe a beer and see if we can't just talk it out”. I don't think that is actually the literal translation, but it seems so and I like to think that's what their saying but in less words.

On another note my room smells terrible and so does my watch. In fact, everything I own that is located in my top drawer of the two drawer dresser that I have smells of mold. I'm worried that this could be a leading reason my allergies have been so terrible lately. I've been taking my medication and it seems to have stopped working all together. I'm almost positive that mold is right next to burning trash on the list of things I should stay away from and I'm pretty sure that I have started a mold farm in my room. I've been slacking on taking care of this problem not because I'm lazy, but because I really don't know how to get rid of it. It is everywhere and I mean everywhere in my top drawer. I'm starting to look like Abraham Lincoln with a green beard on my passport and everything I put in the draw is becoming unusable. The mold bothers me more because the reason it is there in the first place is directly due to my site visit which happens to be the same place I'm going to be spending my 2 years of service and the same place I'm going to visiting next week for 6 days.

Let me tell you something about the site that I will be spending the next two years in. It rains. A shit ton. And I'm not talking about the little “oh look its raining outside let me get my umbrella” rain. I mean “It's raining so hard that I'm wearing a poncho and rain boots and not only am I still soaking wet, but the ground is flooding and I can't tell where I'm going” rain. I would also like to point out that two of the 3 past volunteers E.T.'d from my site before a year was up and that the most recent volunteer had a “difficult” time in my site. I heard the last part through the grapevine and don't really know if it is true so I'm going to just leave it at that. I also think that the most recent volunteer was pretty cool built a pretty nice little hut/house that I will be remodeling and expanding to fit my needs. The fact still remains pure and simple that not this is not going to be easy. Yes, there is a nice little waterfall with a little vine swing, but I'm not sure how much I'm going to enjoy those things by myself. I guess I will have to learn to. And yes, there is a chocolate farming group that is trying to build their business which will be great to work with. And yes, there seems to be really nice people in this Gnobe community that could really use some help because they really are the definition of poor. But, if so many people had problems in the past with this site, and if Bocas is the number place people end up E.T.ing from, how the hell am I going to make sure I keep positive and make sure I don't go off the deep end?

This is a good question and I'm going to have really dig deep for this one. I think is going to really come down to realizing that helping these people is why I am here and it really isn't about me anymore if it ever was. It is not about me being able to handle the harsh conditions of using a latrine every day, having no running water or electricity, or having to wash my clothes in the river. It is about trying to help these people get caught up. Letting them have the same opportunities that us the first world have. I think being a Community Economic Development volunteer has to be the hardest job in the Peace Corps but they will not tell us that. Not only do we have to try to teach these people how to help themselves, but we have to make the choice weather or not doing this would actually help their communities. Does having more money automaticly mean that poverty will be eradicated, everyone in the community will have access to great education, and healthcare will be no problem? Nope. It could actually make things worse. Especially if some group came in and threw a bunch of money one direction and left. It is a fine line we walk and decisions will have to be made in the interest of values, community preservation, and what would be best for the future of these people. I'm sure my views about all this will evolve as my service progresses and this is sure to be a major issue when considering projects. We will see.

On a lighter note, we talked about STDs and different names for sex today. Most of it was pretty funny and made me glad to be STD free. The rest of the presentation was not funny and pretty sad actually and made me glad to be STD free. Some interesting things that I learned; There is a group of indigenous that is part of the group that I will be living with that have been shown to be immune to HIV. Panama also has one of the highest rates of HIV in all of Central America so go figure. It is mostly in the main cities. I definitely do not have anything to worry about considering all of the women that live my village are 5 feet tall and 4 feet wide. The medical officer tried telling us to give it awhile and they will start looking good. I can guarantee you that I will just become celibate instead. Not interested. And for those of you who would like comment on that please remember that my parents are reading this......

Health Report:

Allergies are terrible in Santa Clara. Need to get to my damn site soon.

Gaining most of the weight back that I lost from being sick twice and will need to do some more heavy lifting to get back the muscle. Should be able to do that in site in a couple weeks.

Right foot still hurts with every step and I've developed a blood blister in my heel for some reason. Might be from playing soccer with no shoes on with the kids. One of the other volunteers is having the same pain problem with his foot and they would not do an x ray so I don't feel so bad not mentioning it at this point. It has been hurting for almost 2 months now though. If I get to my site and rest it for some consecutive days and it still hurts with every step then I will have to get it x rayed and probably cast up. I'm really hoping that it will not come down to this. I've also tried to push a needle into my heel to relieve the pressure from my blood blister and could not get through the skin. It is amazing as to how thick your heel is. Really hoping my foot gets better along with the worst allergies I've ever had in my life. It would really make things a lot easier. Other than that I'm fine. Get a little home sick when I see the Giants playing baseball on one of the four channels we get, but that's about it.

One more quick fact, English is the official second language of Panama and almost one speaks it. Go figure....